As she sat at Table 47 in the Shakespeare Head pub in Holborn, London, during her semester abroad, Jess Greenlaw found a guy who made her feel happy once again.

This is where Greenlaw, a senior interior design major, met her current boyfriend James. They connected instantly, she said, and it was exactly what she needed after a series of bad breakups and not-so-serious connections. And while the distance can make the relationship challenging — he lives in London — Greenlaw said that because she took the time to be single and focus on herself, she has become more confident and ready for any challenge that life throws at her.

But the journey to reach this point did not come without struggle and heartbreak. Greenlaw arrived at Syracuse two years into a serious, long-distance relationship, separated by 143 miles from her now ex-boyfriend for the first two years of college. But one day, during her sophomore year, the two split and Greenlaw’s world was turned upside down.

“I was single for about a year and a half and went a little crazy,” she said. “I dated a bunch of different types of guys, some who were really shitty people, some who were very casual and some who wanted more than I did.”

In the end, the difficult times she faced as a single college student were worth it. They helped her refocus what she really wanted out of life. Greenlaw said her time overseas without a partner to rely on gave her a freedom she had never experienced before. It gave her the chance to go anywhere and do anything, no strings attached.

“Honestly, I needed that to just get crazy college crap out of my system,” Greenlaw said. “I learned so much about myself, but I also learned the type of guy I’d like to be with one day and about who I want to be.”

Other students have found that using their time abroad to be single and independent really brings into focus what’s important to them, and helps them figure out what they really want out of their college experiences.

Elise Steiner, a senior public policy major, traveled across the world to Hong Kong during the fall semester of her junior year. She had just ended a tricky, on-again, off-again relationship that lasted through her freshman and sophomore years.

Because she was setting off on a new and exciting chapter in her life, Steiner said it didn’t make sense for her to be with someone when she was exploring Hong Kong, so the two-year relationship ended. Upon returning to campus as a senior, Steiner has remained single.

“Now, there is no commitment. There is no one else depending on me,” Steiner said. “I can go and do what I want, when I want.”

As a male, Carrow Thibault also enjoys the benefits of the same single college lifestyle that Steiner does. A senior political science major, he has had one serious relationship as a college student, but said college relationships have never really been his thing.

With so many other responsibilities such as class work, friendships and commitments to his fraternity, Psi Upsilon, Thibault said he enjoys the freedom of being alone.

“I think that college is not the right atmosphere for dating. There are just so many other things going on, so many other people on campus,” he said. “I can do what I want to do now, which is nice.”

Thibault, like Greenlaw and Steiner, said he thinks taking time to be alone in college is key to learning more about oneself. He said it’s given him time to explore himself and feel more relaxed day to day.

While some, like Greenlaw, find their other half on campus or elsewhere amid the chaos and excitement of college life, others remain skeptical of the dating scene and take pride in their single status at this point in their lives.

“You need to learn to be alone before you can be with someone,” Steiner said. “Once you find yourself and once you can be happy with yourself, then you find that other person. I think that’s better than just relying on another person to bring you happiness.”

Alessia Haddad, a junior architecture major, spends her waking hours working on class work and projects, finding little time for a significant other, but taking time to enjoy being on her own. She had previously been in a year-and-a-half long relationship during her freshman and sophomore years. Things didn’t work out, but Haddad said she’s not too disappointed.

Haddad said students should lower their expectations about dating in college because the atmosphere does not lend itself to the typical post-graduation or summer relationships.

Said Haddad: “You have time. College is a time for you to learn about yourself more than anyone else. If you’re single, you’re thinking about yourself and things you can do on your own.”

Published on October 21, 2013 at 12:39 am

Contact Katie: kjrichar@syr.edu | @ktjrichards