Recently I have noticed that I’ve started to fall into a weekly routine. Every day I go to class, nap, get coffee, go to class, cry, do work and then go to sleep. Then on the weekends I go out at night and sleep for the entire day until Sunday when I do most of my work.

Honestly, it’s getting to be a little boring. We’re at that point in the semester where everyone is “in the groove” of things — but it’s not a fun groove. For reference on the type of groove I’m describing, picture zombies doing the cotton-eyed-joe. It’s slow, sad and simply no fun at all.

So it’s time to spice things up. Think of your weekly routine like an old, failing marriage: if you don’t change something soon, it’s going to end in a long, messy divorce. We don’t want that!

But don’t fret: below, I have listed tricks that many couples use to spice up their marriages. Conveniently, these can also be used to spice up your routine, so feel free to use them if you’re bored with your day-to-day life and/or your significant other.

#1: Go on more dates

I know what you’re thinking: What if I don’t have someone to go on dates with? Well, fear not, because you don’t need a significant other to complete this one!

That’s right, you’re going to date yourself. All you need is a mirror and, like, $10. Simply go to a restaurant, buy yourself a meal and place the mirror across from you. Now shower yourself with compliments. You look great!

#2: Buy something racy

When I say racy here, I don’t mean scandalous. I mean race-y.

All you need to do is take a trip to your local Target and buy one of those big leather suits that all the most popular race car drivers wear. I know it sounds weird, but trust me, people will love it. Plus, experiencing the world through a helmet will be a lot different than your usual non-helmet vision. It will probably be pretty hard to see, but that’s OK because you look HOT.

#3: Relive your first date … I mean day

Because I’m talking about your livelihood here and not your rocky marriage, I’m going to change “first date” to “first day.” We could go two different ways with this.

First, you could relive your first day at college. Now, I don’t know exactly how all of your first days went here at school but I’m going to give what I think could be a rough outline:

First you wake up bright and early at 8 a.m., two hours before your first class. Then you awkwardly change in the corner of your room so that your roommate doesn’t see you fully naked. Now that you’re ready a full hour before your class actually starts, you sit around nervously for the next half hour.

For the remainder of the day, just wander around campus and get lost. In addition, you should call your family one time with excitement, and the next time crying. Then go to bed at 10 p.m.

You could either do things this way, or just relive your first day of life. This means you need to wake up crying, you can’t walk anywhere or crawl yet (unless you were a super advanced baby), you can only eat really soft foods and you might have to wet the bed. You might not like that one so much, but I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.

#4: Hot sauce

Ok, maybe married couples don’t eat a lot of hot sauce to help their marriages but, let’s face it: it’s probably the spiciest thing out there — other than, of course, the Peruvian Puff Pepper.

So, for this final option just eat a lot of hot sauce all day. It will not only spice up your routine in a literal way, but it will also probably make your mouth hurt a lot. You might even need to go to the hospital. Talk about out of the ordinary!

Annabeth Grace Mann is a sophomore film major. Her column appears biweekly. She can be reached at agmann@syr.edu.

Published on April 10, 2018 at 11:33 pm