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Ah, Halloween. A time of ghosts, ghouls, tricks, treats and, of course, costumes! If there’s one thing I love, it’s a sexy Halloween costume. I’m not a creep or anything, I just like seeing how creative people can get — the adult woman section of the Party City website is really entertaining. From just one Google search, I already found my costume for next year: sexy cavewoman. It got me thinking, what other things can be turned into sexy Halloween costumes? Here’s my collective list.

1. Plumber

There’s a lot of sexy takes on uniforms. Police officer, fireman, maid. But there’s one I’ve never seen, a sexy plumber. I don’t think people see the potential here. Wear low-rise jeans for some job-accurate crack action and a khaki shirt with a name tag, and you’re in business! You can even bring around a plunger (used or unused, that’s your business) and fight off any unwanted suitors at parties.

2. Herbert Hoover

Who says dressing up as one of our worst presidents can’t be sexy? I recommend getting a cheap suit and cutting the pants into shorts to leave little to the imagination. Maybe even carry around a little vacuum cleaner and a depression-era newspaper to give people the hint!

3. Sasquatch

Mystery. That’s what I’m always going for. “Ooooh, who’s that mysterious girl over there in the corner, laughing at her own joke?” or “Wow, Sarah’s so mysterious. I wish I was her.” or maybe even
“Why is Sarah watching 3-year-old fit check TikToks on the couch instead of engaging with people? She’s so mysterious.” And what’s more mysterious than a sasquatch, one of North America’s greatest urban legends? Get decked out in all fur (not real fur, obviously), then just kind of lurch around campus creature-ly. If you really wanna go crazy, they make super sexy Sasquatch masks like this one!

4. Apple Store Employee

The Apple Store may be the sexiest place I’ve ever been in. It’s sleek, cool, expensive, and the way they get mad at you when you try to steal the merchandise is so hot. That’s why I think that an Apple Store employee would be a really fun, sexy costume. It doesn’t take much work, you just have to wear a polo with the Apple logo on it while looking like you’ve just spent a whole shift explaining to people how to reset an iPhone 13. If you really want to commit to the costume, you can even carry around overpriced self-charging phone cases and pressure people to buy them.

5. Bridge Troll

I just feel like there’s something here to work with. It’s whimsical, fun, and has a lot of potential to be sexy. You can put on a really cute going-out top and spread mud all over it or even glue on some fake warts if you’re nasty like that. It doesn’t even require going out if you don’t want to. Personally, if I dressed up as a sexy bridge troll, I would spend that night of Halloweekend hiding under a bridge and asking riddles to bystanders. Go off, Billy Goats Gruff!

Now you’re ready to eat up the rest of the Halloween season in your new and sexy costumes! Whether you decide to be a plumber or a bridge troll, just remember one thing: true sexiness comes from the inside, not a Sasquatch mask.

Published on October 29, 2023 at 9:56 pm

Contact Sarah: sswells@syr.edu