As the “single” friend, I’m often sought out as the confidant when it comes to relationship troubles. I’ve noticed that my friends with significant others will ask me for advice if they’re discontent with their relationships or if they’re thinking about ending it. I usually give the same advice to all of them: if you’re not happy, either commit to fixing it or walk away.

Despite the advice I give, I know it’s not that simple. People often have long histories with their significant others, and it’s not always as easy as fixing or ending it. I, too, have been in situations where I should have cut ties with someone completely, but instead, I let it drag on in hopes that it would improve. But now, as a sort of bystander to a number of relationships, I’ve noticed a pattern emerge among relationships that are on the rocks. Instead of ending it, the unhappy individual turns to either emotional or physical cheating — or both.

I’ve come to realize that it’s not a fluke or a personality flaw in just one individual. I know a number of people who have cheated on their significant other multiple times because they feel like there’s something missing in their relationship or they’re looking for a way out. And it’s extremely frustrating to watch. But it got me thinking — are we biologically hardwired to cheat? Or is it just psychologically easier to cheat than it is to break up with someone?

According to a March 26, 2014 Psychology Today article, people might cheat for a number of reasons. It could have to do with their personality, their relationship, a situation or any combination of the three. A dissatisfying relationship could lead someone to seek out what they feel they’re missing, or a drunken night could lead to hooking up with someone even if that wasn’t the intention.

A June 2, 2014 article on The Huffington Post also showed it was related to a number of internal and external factors. In a compilation of academic studies on cheating, The Huffington Post highlighted that narcissists, people who are insecure about their spouse and men with deeper voices are more likely to cheat.

As for why people cheat, The Huffington Post wrote that 44 percent of women cheated because they were attracted to someone, and 48 percent of men cheated because they wanted more sex than they were getting. However, not all cheating occurs just because people are unhappy in their relationship. According to a study from Rutgers University, 56 percent of men who had affairs said they were happy in their relationship, and 34 percent of women said they were happy in their relationships when they had an affair.

Even with intensive googling of the phrase, “why do people cheat,” it seems there’s no blueprint to infidelity. Some people cheat simply because they can. Some people do it because their relationship isn’t giving them what they want. Others just get caught up in the moment and supposedly can’t stop it from happening.

But from what I’ve seen — and I don’t have any scientific studies or research to back this up — it seems to me that people cheat because they want to have their cake and eat it too. They might not be completely happy in the relationship they’re in, but things aren’t bad enough for them to have a reason to end it. So cheating with someone can provide what’s lacking in their relationship without having to break up with someone, which is a struggle in itself.

Though every situation is different, I understand why people cheat. But that doesn’t make it right. I think it’s a tactic of avoidance. No matter if it’s situational or personal, the person doing the cheating is avoiding a problem in their relationship instead of addressing it. So even after this research, I’ll continue to give people the same advice when they talk about their relationship problems: either commit to fixing it or walk away — but don’t cheat.

Kate Beckman is a sophomore magazine journalism major. Her column appears every week in Pulp. You can reach her at kebeckma@syr.edu or follow her on Twitter at @Kate_Beckman.

Published on April 14, 2015 at 7:52 pm